


Nothing Left

by Kiterie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-28 04:55:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/670499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiterie/pseuds/Kiterie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can't hunt without Dean. He can't do it alone or maybe, like Dean had put it so long ago, he just doesn't want to. (More about him and Dean than anything else.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Left

Dean was his reason for fighting. He'd gotten back in the game because of Jessica, but when things got really hairy, he'd stayed because of Dean. He can't hunt without Dean. He can't do it alone or maybe, like Dean had put it so long ago, he just doesn't want to.

Purgatory is the unknown. Nobody knows anything except whatever Crowley and Cas pieced together. All Crowley will tell him is that they're in Purgatory and that the lock is an all or nothing gateway that needs an angelic lever to pry it open. That, and he doesn't see a reason to help: Cas double crossed him, and leaving him to the leviathan seems fitting.

Sam knows before he even tries that the angels won't help him. He's the abomination who locked Michael in Hell with Lucifer and ruined their plans. Both sides hate him, and without Cas, he rates somewhere on par with demons and the shit that crawled out of Purgatory. Eventually, he does ask, but they never answer.

Sam can't save Dean. He can't get them out. The last time, when Dean was in Hell, he tried, and he failed and fell so far in that failure that it nearly killed him. Sometimes he wishes he'd let it, but he knows he'd just have been dragged back, and nothing would be any different. He'd still be here, Dean would still be in Purgatory, and there'd still be nothing he could do. He's terrified of what he'll become if he even tries.

He tells himself Cas is with Dean; Cas got him and Dean out of Hell. He can get Dean out. He will. Sam just has to wait, bide his time, and not get killed. Those are all things he can do. Maybe the only things he can do.

It's all he has left.

It's months before it sinks in that they're not coming back, that Cas couldn't save them, and he waited too long for nothing.

He's driving when the realization hits him. It leaves him numb and paralyzed. Sheer force of habit keeps the wheels running straight and true down the road while his mind freezes up.His eyes are fixed forward, but instead of pitted asphalt, he sees himself facing the endless drive alone. It keeps him from seeing the dog sprinting out from the underbrush and from reacting quickly enough to avoid it. It doesn't keep him from driving the dog to the nearest vet with the desperate hope that this time, this time, he can save something.

The dog lives, and the world starts moving again. He remembers what he wanted so long ago. It was like a life preserver, thrown right in front of him when he needed it most so he grabbed it. It was all he ever wanted so maybe it'll be enough to keep him together, because he's been down the other road, and he can't do it again.


End file.
